


Kiss Me While You Can

by voidjareau



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, High School, Last I love you’s, M/M, car crash, ej’s mom is a shit head, first i love you’s, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22488274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidjareau/pseuds/voidjareau
Summary: “What about EJ?”“Oh, he was seen making out with this girl by his locker.” The girl answered.“Just this morning?” The girl nodded and walked away. Ricky turned the corner and to his horror, it was true.EJ had the girl back against his locker and he was, in fact, making out with a blonde haired girl.Ricky felt tears burn his the back of his eyes but he refused to let to fall. He wasn’t going to let himself cry. Instead of turning around, Ricky walked right past them, refusing to let the tears out and show everyone how affected he was.
Relationships: E.J. Caswell/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 9
Kudos: 66





	Kiss Me While You Can

**Author's Note:**

> took me two days to write this and I’m really proud of it! let me know what you thought and if I should do one more part!

**KISS ME WHILE YOU CAN**

  
  


EJ sat in his car outside his best friends, Ricky Bowen, house. He sat there for what felt like forever, tapping his hands against the wheel before taking the keys out of the ignition, getting out of the car. 

He was shaking with nerves. He couldn’t believe he actually doing this but if he didn’t do it now then he didn’t think that he would have the courage to do it again. 

He shook out his arms in an attempt of getting rid of any nerves before he rang the doorbell. He turned around, his back now facing the door. 

He quietly muttered to himself as he tried to get rid of some nerves when finally the door opened not long after. EJ spun back around and- fuck. 

Ricky looked good. 

EJ stood there frozen, his lips parted, as he stared at the boy in front of him. 

Ricky looked like he was just getting ready for bed. He was wearing a grey oversized hoodie, the one EJ had given him a couple hours prior when he was cold at lunch, and black sweats. 

“EJ? W-what are you doing here?” Ricky asks opening the door wider for EJ. The black haired boy snaps out of his trance and walks inside. 

“I, uh I have something to- to tell you.” EJ rubs the back of his neck, turning around to face Ricky. 

“Is everything okay?” Ricky asks concerned. 

“Yeah, everything is okay. Is your dad here?” 

“No, he’s out on a date tonight. Why?” 

“Okay, I didn’t really want anyone else here to witness possible failure on my part.” EJ chuckles softly. Ricky walks closer to EJ and makes eye contact with him. 

“Just tell me.” Ricky told the other boy, not breaking eye contact. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I, uh Ricky, I- fuck. I don’t- I don’t know how- how to say this. Y-you look so- so cute right now and I- I can’t focus.” EJ stammers. His hands felt sweaty so he wiped them on his jeans. EJ lets out a deep breath and walks slightly closer to Ricky, grabbing one of his hands.

As he intertwines their fingers, his eyes flicker down to the curly haired boys lips for a split second. 

Ricky, however, didn’t notice that action, which EJ was thankful for. He was too focused on the warmth his body felt when his hand locked with EJ’s. He finally looked up, once again making eye contact with the boy in front of him. 

EJ felt a wave of confidence wash over him and he lifted his free hand up to Ricky’s cheek, holding it and softly tracing his cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. 

He slowly leaned in, resting his forehead on Ricky’s. Their noses touching, lips hovering over each other. His eyes darted down to the boys lips, he notices Ricky do the same. 

“EJ,” is all Ricky whispered before EJ closed the gap between them. Ricky let out an a groan at the sudden action, throwing his arms around the taller boys neck.

He wanted nothing more than to hear that noise again, gently biting at Ricky’s bottom lip, a gasp followed by a low groan was let out from Ricky. 

The taller boy moved his hand from Ricky’s cheek to rest on said boys waist, pulling him closer. Releasing his other hand from Ricky, he placed it behind Ricky’s neck. He softly tugged on a grip of hair, pulling his head back, causing the boy to let out a tiny moan. 

EJ trailed his lips down the side of his neck, biting softly at the skin. Ricky tilted his head back, silently begging EJ for more. 

EJ didn’t want to stop as he loved the sounds he was getting from the other but if he kept going then he wouldn’t stop. He pulled away slowly and heard the smaller boy let out a whimper at the loss of contact. Both boys made eye contact and didn’t lose it as they regained their breath. 

It wasn't long before Ricky placed his hand behind EJ’s neck and pulled him down to connect their lips once again. EJ responded to the kiss quickly, his hands on Ricky’s waist, pulling him closer.

A small smile formed on both of their faces as their lips fit perfectly together. 

Ricky wrapped both hands around the taller boys neck, one hand threading his fingers through his hair, pulling lightly. 

EJ let out a small noise at the action. The need for air arose again and Ricky was the one to pull away this time, he waited a few seconds before he brought his lips back to EJ’s. 

They both didn’t realize it but Ricky was now pushed against his front door as he desperately kissed EJ, like his life depended on it. He’s wanted this for so long and didn’t know if he would stop.

EJ suddenly pulled away and backed up, clearing his throat. 

Ricky, realizing he’s against the door, leans back into it, gasping for air and gives EJ a confused look. “I heard- heard, uh your dad pull up.” 

Ricky nods and stands up straight, fixing his composure. EJ did the same and they walked into the living room just seconds before the door opened. 

“Ricky, is EJ here? I think I saw his car outside.” 

“Yeah, yeah, Dad. He’s here.” 

“Okay, don’t stay up too late.” Ricky’s dad smiles at the two when he enters the living room and then heads upstairs. 

“So...” Ricky trailed off, biting his bottom lip, looking over at the taller boy. EJ smirked and smashed his lips onto Ricky’s. The curly haired boy leaned back against the couch until he was on his back and EJ was hovering above him. 

EJ had a hand resting on one of the boys cheeks and the other was on the side of his head, keeping him from falling. Their lips fiercely moved against each others. The taller boy took Ricky’s bottom lip in between his teeth and gently pulled at it. 

A low groan escaped from Ricky and EJ wanted to hear it again so he repeated the action once more.

“EJ,” Ricky breathed when he pulled back for a second. Ricky lifted one of his hands and place a hand on one of EJ’s cheeks, mimicking what the older boy had been doing. 

EJ felt a shock through his body at the contact. His touch was addictive. He felt like he couldn't get enough of Ricky’s touch. The two, like a magnet, found their lips together once again. 

EJ swiped his tongue over Ricky’s bottom lip, causing said boy to let out a gasp. The taller took that as an opening and slipped his tongue in. 

Ricky tasted like chocolate and EJ couldn’t get enough. 

“I forgot my phone in my jacke- Oh!” EJ practically leaped off Ricky, fixing his shirt as he stood up. He made awkward eye contact with his dad and quickly looked away. 

Mike, Ricky’s dad, stood on the steps in shock staring at the two boys. 

“I- I’m gonna- I’m gonna go. I’ll call you later, Ricky.” EJ quickly left the house after saying goodnight to the two in the house. 

EJ got in his car and banged his head against the wheel, causing the horn to go off. EJ snapped his head up, eyes wide, and let out a sigh. 

———

Ricky stood up from the couch after EJ had left, staring at his dad, fixing his shirt in the process. 

“Dad-“ 

“Well, that’s- that’s one way to find out you like guys.” Mike says, still standing in the staircase. Ricky let out an awkward chuckle asking, 

“Are you disappointed?” 

“No! God, no! Ricky, that’s- that’s great. I- I kinda wish I didn’t have to find out by you practically having sex with EJ on the couch but you are still my son and I love you.” 

“Dad! We- we weren’t-!” 

Mike laughed as he walked down the hall to grab his phone from his jacket by the door. “Sure, Rick.” His dad says as he walks back upstairs. “Next time go to your room and not my couch!” 

“I- we weren’t doing anything like that!” Ricky exclaimed and heard his dad chuckle from upstairs. Ricky smiled to himself and let out a breathy laugh. 

Ricky made his way upstairs, after turning off all the lights downstairs, to his room. He entered the room just has he heard his phone ringing. 

“ _Hey_ ,” Ricky smiled when he saw EJ’s face. 

“So, uh that happened.” Ricky says sitting at his desk. He rests his phone against a stack of books. 

“ _Yeah, I- I never actually said what I went there to say but I- I think you kinda get it what I was there for because you know_ -“ 

“Heh. Yeah, but EJ, I want to hear you say it.” Ricky tells him. 

EJ smiles and sets his own phone against something in his room. “ _Ricky_ ,” EJ started taking a deep breath. “ _I_ _love you_.” 

Ricky’s smile grew a little bigger at those words. 

“I love you, too, EJ.” Both boys now wore huge smiles on their face. 

“ _Oh, how’d your dad handle the whole thing?_ ” 

“Really good but now he thinks we were gonna have sex on the couch.” EJ bursts out laughing. 

“ _Yeah, no. The couch would definitely not be the place we do that_.” 

“Oh? And where would we?” 

“ _Hmm... you’ll find out soon if you really wanna know. Anyway, I better going. I love you_.” 

“I love you too, you dickhead.” EJ smirks and hangs up. 

——

When Ricky went to school the following Monday, he was nervous. He was nervous to see EJ after Friday night. 

Sure, they’ve called and texted but now they would be together at school. Ricky could finally call EJ, his boyfriend and he was nervous.

He made his way towards EJ’s locker with a small smile on his face. 

He never would’ve thought that his best friend could feel the same way he has for years. He had told Nini, Gina, and Big Red all about what happened, leaving out certain details that did not need to be shared. 

He was about to turn the corner to get to the older boys locker when he halted to a stop after hearing something a student had said. Ricky turned to the girl with dyed pink hair asking,

“What about EJ?” 

“Oh, he was seen making out with this girl by his locker.” The girl answered. 

“Just this morning?” The girl nodded and walked away. Ricky turned the corner and to his horror, it was true. 

EJ had the girl back against his locker and he was, in fact, making out with a blonde haired girl. 

Ricky felt tears burn his the back of his eyes but he refused to let to fall. He wasn’t going to let himself cry. Instead of turning around, Ricky walked right past them, refusing to let the tears out and show everyone how affected he was. 

No one else but him needed to know how much his heart shattered in that moment. 

Ricky could feel his heart breaking as he made his way past them. He let himself believe that EJ loved him. He believed him.

He makes it halfway down the hallway before the tears won and fell from his eyes. 

Ricky tightened his grip on his backpack strap and ran down the hall towards the theater. He opens the door, walking in, the door slamming shut behind him, ringing through the large theater. 

The tears falling from eyes were nonstop. Every few seconds, he rubbed viciously at his eyes in a lame attempt to stop the tears. He sat at the piano bench on the stage, letting the tears flow freely at this point. 

He hated himself for believing EJ. He hated himself for loving his best friend. He hated himself for falling so hard only to get his heart broken by the one person who he thought would never do that. 

He heard the doors open and he panicked for a second, getting ready to quickly leave, when he heard Nini’s voice. 

“I am going to _kill_ EJ. I know he’s also my best friend but Ricky comes first and EJ _knows_ that. He’s out there in the hallway where _everyone_ can see him making out some- some _girl_!” Nini exclaimed. “Now are you sure you saw Ricky run in here?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Gina’s voice rang through the theater as well. Ricky sat still on the piano bench, the tears silently falling now. He held back the sobs, not wanting to worry them too much when they did find him. 

“Look on the stage.” Ricky heard Big Red call out before he heard the doors open and close again, signaling that he and Gina left as the bell rang. 

Ricky was okay with them leaving the theater because it meant that she didn’t have to him be the broken, crying mess that he is. 

He hears footsteps walk up the steps to get on the stage and he looked up. He made eye contact with Nini, who just stared at the broken boy in front of her. 

He somehow felt small under her gaze. He absolutely _hated_ when people saw him cry. 

“Ricky,” Nini whispers, walking closer to him. 

She took a seat next to him on the piano bench and placed a hand on his knee. 

“H-he told- he told m-me he loved me, Neens.” Ricky cried, placing his head in his hands. Nini moved her hand from his knee to his back, rubbing small circles with her hand. It was something that always calmed Ricky down since they were kids. 

Ricky and Nini had an unbreakable bond, even _after_ they broke up. They were _best friends_. They would literally kill for each other.

Ricky, of course, loved Nini but not in the way Nini loved him. 

When Nini first told Ricky that she loved him, he felt weird. Not butterflies in the stomach weird, just weirded out that it was a girl saying it to him. He felt that way every time they kissed too. 

When Nini had first kissed him, he felt nothing. Every kiss after that was still nothing but Ricky didn’t think anything of it. 

Ricky was slow in seeing why but everyone else, including Nini, could see why he didn’t seem so interested.

After the I love you thing with Nini, he realized something was different about him. He asked Nini for a pause, so to say, only to go home, shut off his phone, and think. 

He had realized that he had never really looked at girls the way he did at boys. Sure, he found the girls cute but he never found a real interest in them. He couldn’t see him being with them as anything other than a friend.

His mind that night, however, kept drifting towards one boy. EJ Caswell was another one of his best friends. 

He kept thinking about how blue his eyes were, how he had a slight southern accent when he was nervous, how wonderful his smile was.

He thought back to the feeling of jealousy when he and Nini dated for a brief time in eighth grade. 

The jealousy wasn’t because Nini was with someone that wasn’t him, he had come to realize. It was there because _EJ_ was with someone who wasn’t him. 

The night that he realized he was gay turned into the best night of his life. He felt like he was drowning but could _finally_ breathe again when he looked at himself in the mirror and said the two words to himself. 

Telling Nini and everyone else is a story for another time. 

“Ricky, you don’t need him in your life.” Nini speaks softly, snapping Ricky out of his train of thought. Ricky bites his bottom lip, holding in a sob. “If he doesn’t see how wonderful you are then he does _not_ deserve you.” 

“I- I love him, Nini.” Ricky whispered through tears. He let out a choked sob and Nini scooted closer to her best friend. She rested her head on his shoulder, still rubbing the circles in his back. “I- I h-have- have never, uh I have never-“ Ricky cut himself off with his own sobs. 

“Shh, Ricky. You don’t have to say anything about this right now. Cry all you want, I’m not leaving and when you’re done crying then we can talk, if you’re feeling up to it.” Nini told the boy, who just nodded. 

The girl just sat there next to her broken best friend wishing she could fix this. She wanted to make everything better for the curly haired boy.

He was her best friend and when he was hurting, she was hurting. 

She felt his pain and it was horrible. All she wanted was for her best friend to be happy. He hasn’t been as happy as he was in the last three days since his mom left. 

Ricky started shaking violently and Nini held him close, trying to soothe him. Ricky had never felt this heartbroken, even when his mom left and got a new boyfriend. 

A few minutes had passed and Nini noticed that Ricky’s breathing had started to slow. She heard him taking in shaky, but deep breathes in. 

Her hand had started cramping so she stopped rubbing circles on his back. Ricky looked over at Nini with a small smile on his face. She hated how she could clearly see the heartbreak in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry you had to see this.” Ricky apologizes, his voice horse from all the crying. 

“No, no, no. Don’t you _dare_ apologize, Richard Bowen. The _only_ reason you cried like this was because of him. He hurt you and it’s okay to cry, you’re allowed to cry and you do not need to apologize to me. You are my _best friend_ , Ricky. I’m here for you in your worst hours and that’s right now.” Nini explained. 

Ricky let out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head. His eyes were swollen red and Nini hated the sight. He didn’t deserve this pain. 

“C-can you go, please? I- I just want to be alone right now.” Ricky asks, quietly. 

“Yeah, I can go. Just call me if you need anything, okay?” Ricky nods watching as the girl grabbed her things and left. 

When he heard the door behind him close, he let out another shaky breath. 

He turned on the piano bench to face the actual piano, playing a simple tune.

_I’m going under and_

_this time I feel there’s no one to save me_

Ricky hummed along with the song in his head and closed his eyes. He fingers ran over the keys swiftly as he continued to mutter the lyrics softly. 

“ _I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug. I was getting kind of used to be someone you loved_.” Ricky opened his eyes, only to be met with a pair of ocean blue eyes. 

Ricky froze in his spot, his mouth opened agap, staring at the boy. 

——

EJ was walking down the hallway, looking around every corner. He fucked up and he knew that. Everyone knew that. He just knew that Ricky found out and he hated himself for it. 

As he was nearing the theater, he saw Nini exit it. 

_Shit_

Nini turned, noticing EJ and her face twisted in anger. 

_Double shit_

The girl with long brown hair made her way towards the taller boy.

_Triple shit_

“You fucking idiot! You are so, _so_ dumb. You get the best person in the world and you just _have_ to go and screw it up! What- what possessed you, EJ! Huh? Can you fucking tell me what the hell went through your head to _cheat_ on him?” Nini hissed. 

In that moment, EJ was glad that everyone was in class so there wasn’t a crowd of people. 

“Look, you’re one of my best friends but you know Ricky will _always_ come before you so at this moment you are just some- some douche who hurt him. He _trusted_ you, EJ.” 

“Nini, please.” EJ spoke, sounding broken and desperate. Hearing that tone in the taller boys voice, Nini felt her anger rise. 

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me? You don’t get to be all butt hurt. This is all on _you_!” 

“I know! Damn it, Nini, I _know_ ! Do you _think_ I wanted to? I didn’t but I- my parents don’t know then suddenly that- that girl comes up to me threatening to tell them if I- if I didn’t kiss her and I- fuck.” EJ ran his hands through his perfectly styled jet black hair, tugging at it. 

Nini’s face had softened as she looked at him. 

“EJ, I thought they knew.” 

“No, I- I never told them and t-they _can’t_ know, Nini. They just _can’t_ so when that girl came up to me, saying all that, I- I just slammed her against the locker and you know the rest.” EJ whispered, leaning against the wall. 

“Why can’t they know, EJ? Talk to me.” 

“I- They’d kick me out. I overheard them one day after they found out about Ricky and the- the things they said about him were _horrible_ . I wanted nothing more than to go downstairs and just snap at them but I couldn’t because then they’d know. I couldn’t- I _can’t_ risk them finding out, Neens, but I do love Ricky. I love him so much, Nini.” EJ explained, looking at the girl. 

“He’s in there at the piano.” Nini suddenly told him and he sent her a confused look. “Ricky.” Is all she said for him to get it. He immediately stood up straight and walked into the theater. 

That’s how they both ended up staring at each other, neither of them breaking eye contact. EJ walked closer to the piano, slowly. As he moved, he never averted his gaze away from Ricky. 

Suddenly Ricky shoots up from the piano bench, grabbing his bag. 

“Ricky, wait. Please, just-- just wait.” EJ pleads. 

“No, I- just leave me alone, EJ.” Ricky pushes past EJ, out of the theater. Ricky looks up seeing Nini down the hall at her locker. “Nini!” He calls out, running down the halls towards said girl. 

“Hey, how’d it go?” She asks. 

“ _You_ told him I was in there?” 

“I- Ricky, listen-“ 

“No! God, I can’t believe you.” Ricky darts his tongue out to wet his dry, chapped lips, shaking his head. 

“Ricky, just _listen_!” Nini exclaims. The boy looks at her waiting for her to continue, “I talked to EJ, Ricky. He has a good reason but if you need time before you’re ready to hear it then I will not push you.” 

“Great then I’m gonna go home.” Ricky walks away, ignoring Nini calling for him. He didn’t want to hear anything else. He just wanted to go home and be alone. 

EJ stood in the theater, internally yelling at himself. Ricky hated him and he couldn’t fix it, at least that’s what he believed. 

He heard someone walk behind him, causing him to jump a little before turning around. Nini was staring at him, biting her bottom lip. 

“He’s never gonna forgive me, is he?” EJ asked. 

“I don’t know, EJ. You two have been friends for _years_ so he might but right now, I don’t think that’s even an option.” Nini answered as truthfully as she could. 

She had no idea what Ricky was thinking.

“I don’t know what I would do without him in my life, you know?” 

“Yeah, I almost lost him one time and it was horrible. The idea of going through life without Ricky just doesn’t seem right.” Nini whispers. EJ smiles softly at the girl before saying,

“I might just go home. Will you get me the work I miss?” Nini nods and EJ takes his leave. 

It doesn’t take long before he’s throwing himself on his bed. He stared at his ceiling, not wanting to believe he could hurt someone he loves so much. 

He let out a groan, rubbing his hands on his face. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Ricky. He wanted to talk to his best friend. He needed him in his life even if they weren’t going to end up together. 

He would be okay with that as long as he had his best friend with him. He didn’t want to have to go through life without his best friend because of a stupid, idiotic mistake that he made. 

EJ knew that he would live with that regret for the rest of his life. He hurt Ricky and he _hated_ himself for it. He heard his phone go off but he chose to ignore it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but Ricky. 

All he wanted was Ricky. 

——

Ricky laid in his bed, tuning out the world as tears slid down his face. He hated today with a burning passion and he wanted it to be over. 

He just wanted the day to end. He wanted the day to disappear. He was still in shock that his best friend, the boy he loved, could do that. 

Nini had said that EJ had a good reason but Ricky just couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe it and didn’t want to hear it but he knew Nini would never lie to him. 

Groaning, Ricky sat up from his bed, pulling out his phone to text EJ. 

**EJ**

_Come over after school_

_We need to talk_

  
  


He threw his phone down on the bed, waiting to hear a response. Ricky was hoping that he would reply before he could regret sending it. 

_Please answer_

Ricky licked his lips, pacing around his room. He _wanted_ EJ to answer even if his head was saying no. He picked up his phone, making sure the ringer was on. It was. 

_Come on. Come on._

He opened the messages. EJ still hasn’t seen it yet. 

**EJ**

_EJ?_

_Do you want a chance to explain or not?_

Ricky heard the doorbell ring and he froze. He ran down the stairs having a feeling it was who he thought it was. Opening the door, his eyes met ocean blue ones. 

“I- What- why are you here?” Ricky asks. 

“Well, uh I- I went home after you stormed out of the theater and all I could think about was you so I rushed over here, forgetting my phone in the process. You’re all I _ever_ think about, Ricky. I meant what I said the other night, I meant it with every bone in my body. W-what you heard today was true and I- I’m so fucking sorry-“ 

“Get to the point, EJ!” Ricky snaps. He knows that he wanted the taller boy here but now that he was, Ricky was angry. 

“I, uh, okay. My parents don’t know about me. They don’t know I’m gay and if they did know I wouldn’t have a home because they would kick me out. Today that- that girl came up to me and threatened to tell them if I didn’t- if I didn’t kiss her.” EJ took a pause looking at Ricky, who had let him inside.

They were standing in the living room and EJ felt nervous. He felt as nervous as he did the other night.

“Anyway, I- I panicked and I slammed her against the locker. After that happened, I felt so much _shame_ . Everyone was _already_ talking about it and you- I couldn’t find you and I _knew_ that you had found out and I hated myself so much.” EJ finished. 

Ricky stood there, taking in all this information. EJ walked a little closer to Ricky but the smaller boy backed up. 

EJ felt a pang in his chest but he deserved it. 

“Okay,” 

“Okay?” 

“I do believe you and I forgive you but I- I need time because I didn’t just _hear_ about it I _saw_ it, EJ. Can you give me that, please?” 

“Of course I can. I’m not- I’m not gonna force you to talk to me or be around me when you don’t want too.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No need to thank me. Okay, I- I’m gonna go.” Ricky nodded and EJ headed towards the door. Ricky followed behind him so he could lock the door. “See you around, I guess.” 

“Yeah.” Ricky nodded and watched as EJ made his way across the street. Ricky went to shut his door when he heard a frantic honk of a car and EJ scream out in pain. 

——

Ricky sat in the back of the ambulance, holding EJ’s hand tightly. 

“How long have you two been together?” One of the paramedics asked, writing on some papers. 

“Oh, we’re- we’re not together. He’s been my best friend since first grade.” Ricky answers. 

“Yeah, but you love him. I can see it. My best friend and I have known each other since birth, been inseparable and now we’re married.” She smiled. 

“That’s- that’s great but not- not us.” The ambulance stopped and Ricky suddenly felt frozen. He was met with familiar, similar blue eyes as soon as he got out of the back. “M-Mrs. Caswell, hi.” 

Ricky hasn’t seen EJ’s family since they found out he was gay. They honestly wanted nothing to do with him but he didn’t know why. In hindsight, he should’ve put two and two together. 

“Ricky.” 

He watched as her eyes trailed down his arm to his hand. Ricky realized his hand was still in EJ’s and quickly removed it. 

“You can go.” She said, coldly. 

“With all due respect, Mrs. Caswell, I won’t be going anywhere. He is my _best friend_ and you do _not_ control me. You can hate me all you want but EJ is my best friend and has been for my whole life so I’m not going anywhere.” Ricky pushed past the older women, following the paramedics as they told the doctors the information they needed. 

The one he had talked to looked at him with a small smile. He sent one back. He watched through the windows as they hooked him up to a bunch of different machines.

He turned around, leaning his back against the wall while closing his eyes. He was so scared he could lose EJ and he didn’t want too. 

EJ has been in his life since first grade. They’ve been inseparable except for a couple little arguments they would have when they were younger. EJ has been there through everything with Ricky. 

When Ricky had realized that he was gay, EJ was the very _first_ person to know. Ricky remembers the day so clearly. 

_It was a few weeks after he and Nini officially called the quits on their relationship when he realized. Ricky had looked at himself in the mirror saying those two words under his breath, feeling a weight off his chest._

_He felt like he could live in an entirely different way. He felt like he was finally coming up for air after drowning for so long._

_He rushed over to EJ’s that night after preparing himself all day for the worst case scenario. He remembers pacing around the taller boys room, rambling on about something that didn’t make sense._

_“Ricky, what did you want to tell me?” EJ asks, placing his hands on Ricky’s shoulders, stopping him from pacing anymore._

_“I, uh fuck. EJ, I- I’m- I can’t do it. I can’t say it.” Ricky remembers feeling tears burn in the back of eyes, his eye looking glassy._

_“Just tell me when you’re ready, Ricky. I’m not gonna push you to tell-“_

_“I’m gay!” Ricky blurted, cutting EJ off. The taller boy froze in his spot, staring at the curly haired boy. Ricky felt small under his gaze and backed up, out of the hold EJ had on his shoulders. “I- I’m gonna go.” Ricky tried his best to hide the crack in his voice but he knew it didn’t work so well._

Ricky vividly remembers what it felt like to be ignored by EJ for weeks and it sucked. He hated feeling like his best friend wasn’t well, his best friend anymore. He hated feeling this way. 

He hated the way he got butterflies in his stomach every time he saw the taller boy. He remembers the day he cornered EJ in the theater after weeks of him avoiding the curly haired boy. 

_“Why won’t you talk to me? Does me being gay bother you or something?” Ricky questions._

_“No, Ricky, it’s- it’s not like that. I- I’m sorry, I just- I’m trying to process this. I’m sorry if it seemed like it bothered me because it didn’t- it doesn’t bother me. I- I just- I was shocked.”_

_“So, my coming out to you shocked you so much that you ignore me for weeks?”_

_“I- I know, it’s stupid.” EJ avoided eye contact with Ricky as he spoke._

_“You can’t even look at me, EJ!” Ricky snaps._

_“I- I’m sorry! I- I just- fuck!” His voice echoed in the theater._

_“You know what? Just forget it. I- I gotta go-“ EJ cut Ricky off by slamming his lips on the other boys._

Ricky remembered the shock that went through his body when EJ first kissed him. He remembers EJ’s look of shock when he pulled away. He remembers the way the taller boy immediately ran out of the theater. He remembers how hurt he felt after that. 

Ricky sometimes wished he could forget that day but he couldn’t. He couldn’t forget how he stood there, frozen, even after EJ ran out. 

Suddenly Ricky snapped opened his eyes, quickly turning around, seeing the doctors rush around EJ. The monitors he had been hooked up to were beeping loudly, too loudly for Ricky’s liking. 

He walked away from the room, going to stand outside. 

“Please, please.” Ricky muttered and slid down the wall behind him. Tears burned in his eyes and he didn’t try to fight them away, he was too tired to care about crying. 

His phone started to ring so he pulled it out from his pocket, not looking at the caller ID. 

“ _Where are you? I went to your house and you aren’t here. Also, EJ’s car is parked outside and he’s not in his car. It also looks like there was an accident._ ” He heard Nini’s voice come through the line. 

“N-nini,” Ricky stammered out, his voice cracking. 

“ _What happened?_ ” Nini asks, the worry in his voice noticeable. 

“I-It’s EJ. He- he’s at the hospital.” Is all Ricky needed to say before hearing Nini say,

“ _I’m on my way._ ” She hung up the phone and Ricky leaned his head back against the wall, looking up at the sky. He hated this. 

He hated that EJ was here. He hated today. 

——

Ricky took a few more minutes before walking back into the ER, seeing a couple doctors talk to EJ’s parents. 

He slowly makes his way towards them just as the doctors walk away. 

“I-is he-” Ricky started to say but stopped looking at both of his parents, who had tears in their eyes. “H-how is he?”

“They just took him up for surgery, Ricky. He has some internal injuries but the doctors say they fix it without complications.” Mr. Caswell told him. 

Ricky nodded slowly, taking in everything he was told. 

“Why was he even with _you_?” Mrs. Caswell asked, disgust clearly evident in her voice.

“Ricky!” The boy turned at the call of name, seeing Nini running over to him. “Mr. and Mrs. Caswell, hi.” Nini greeted when she noticed them.

“Hello, Nini.” 

The girl with brown hair reached over for Ricky’s hand taking it in her own as EJ’s dad stared at her. “Oh, are you two back together?” 

The two looked down at their hands then at each other. Ricky saw the look in Nini’s eyes and nodded with a smile. “Yes, we are.” He lied. 

“That’s wonderful. You two were always so cute together and good to see that you outgrew your gay phase.” 

Ricky wanted nothing more than to throw something at the woman in front of him. She was a disgusting human being. Him being gay was _not_ just some _phase_. 

The fact that she discredited his and others sexuality like that made him sick. 

“Anyway, how- how’s EJ?” Nini asks changing the subject. 

“They just took him up from surgery.” Ricky answered looking at the girl next to him. “We should go sit in the waiting room. Come on, Neens.” The two teens walked away to head to the waiting room. 

“I’m sorry you had to lie.” Nini whispers, leaning her body closer to Ricky, knowing the two adults were right behind them. 

Ricky just shrugged and they continued their way to the waiting room in silence. When they did finally get there, the two teens made sure to sit far away from EJ’s parents. 

“I’m really sorry you had to lie, Ricky.” Nini says again. 

“It’s okay. Honestly, with the look I was getting from them, you saved me.” Ricky breathed out, leaning forward in his seat. “I- I can’t stop feeling like this is my fault.” The boy suddenly says. 

“What? Ricky, no, why would you- why would you think that?” Nini asks. 

“I-if I would have just talked to him at school, in the theater, then we _wouldn’t_ be here right now. I- god, what if something goes wrong? I- I _can’t_ lose him, Nini. I’ve never felt the way I do about EJ with anyone else and I don’t think I ever will.” 

“I get it, Ricky. I really do.” Nini smiles sadly. 

“Nini-“ 

“Don’t, Ricky, it’s okay.” The girl looked away from her best friend as tears burned in her eyes. Ricky reached over, grabbing her hand and intertwining their fingers. 

“I’m sorry, Nini.” Ricky whispered. 

“Ricky, it’s okay. I’ve learned to deal with it.” Nini answers, still not looking at him. “You are who you are, I can’t change that and I _wouldn’t_ want too because you are _perfect_ the way you are.” 

Ricky smiles at his best friend before turning his head to look forward. He saw a group of three doctors with small smiles on their faces as they talked to each other. 

Ricky immediately pulled his hand back from Nini and stood up. Nini followed behind him as he went to stand by EJ’s parents. 

“Okay, so there was a small complication during surgery so for now he’s in a medically induced coma just until we can figure out how we can repair the damage.” One of the female doctors began. “We’re setting him up in the I.C.U right now if you’d like to see him.” 

“This is all _your_ fault.” Mrs. Caswell hissed turning her head to face Ricky. The boy just looked at her, confused. 

“How? How is it _my_ fault? I’m not the one who was driving the damn car that hit him! That hit my _best friend_ !” Ricky snapped at the woman. “Stop placing blame and go see _your_ damn son!” 

Ricky stormed off choosing to ignore Nini calling for him. “Ricky! Ricky, stop.” Nini caught up with the boy, grabbing his hand and pulling him back. 

She looked at the boy seeing tears flowing down his face for what was probably the fifth time today. 

“She’s right. It’s my fault.” Ricky cried. 

“No, no, it’s not. We went over this, Ricky. It is _not_ your fault.” Nini told him, placing her hands on his shoulders. 

“I- I gotta go.” 

“I can take you home and tomorrow after school we can come see EJ.” 

“Yeah, thank you.” 

——

Ricky walked into the house and was immediately greeted by his Dad in the kitchen. Mike looked at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Are you okay, Ricky?” 

“Uh… EJ’s in the hospital. He was in an accident earlier today.” Ricky told him. 

“How is he?” 

“There- there was a complication during his surgery and h- they put him in a medically induced coma for I don’t know how long.” 

“Hey, he’ll be okay. EJ is a fighter, Ricky, you know that. Now, why don’t you head upstairs and get a little rest. I’ll get you when dinner is ready.” 

Ricky nodded and made his way upstairs. His heart felt heavy and he felt drained. He was tired. Today was one of the worst days, he has ever had. His eyes were burning from all the crying and he was exhausted. 

When he entered his room, he didn’t bother changing into more comfortable clothes, he just fell onto his bed closing his eyes. It didn’t take long before he was in a deep sleep. 

——

It’s been two weeks since everything and Ricky made his way to the hospital with Nini, Gina, Big Red, and Ashlyn. Everyday since tuesday, they would go to the hospital after school to see EJ. 

Today was an important day though. They had taken EJ back into surgery to fix the complication and he was anxious. He didn’t know what would happen. 

“Do you think he’s okay?” Ricky asks, breaking the silence in the car. 

“I think so. EJ is strong, Ricky, don’t worry too much.” Ashlyn answered the boy. “Try to think positive.” Ricky smiled at EJ’s cousin. 

Ashlyn and Ricky were never that close but over the last week, they got closer. 

“Thanks, Ash.” Ricky smiled softly at the girl. 

They arrived at the hospital and Ashlyn went over to her Aunt and Uncle, who sat in the waiting room. Ricky instantly reached over for Nini’s hand like he’s done every time they saw EJ’s parents. He looked over at the girl who just gave him a closed smile. 

They both sat down with Gina and Red a little bit away from the Caswell family. 

As they sat in silence, Ricky thought back to when he told Nini that he was gay. 

_He had slowly walked to her house that night. He was shaking with nerves and guilt. He knew how Nini felt and he felt guilty for not being able to return those feelings._

_When he finally reached her house, he saw the porch light on and he noticed the girl was standing outside, holding her arms close to her body. She was wearing a hoodie, that Ricky soon noticed was his._

_Ricky slowly approached Nini with a small smile._

_“Hey,” He greeted, nervously. He fidgeted with his fingers and placing his hands in his pockets._

_“Hi, how are you?” Nini asks._

_“I- I’m okay. Uh… I’m sorry for ignoring you the last week. I- I’ve been trying to figure some things out and I- I need to tell you something important.” Ricky started._

_“W-what is it?” Nini asks suddenly feeling nervous about the conversation. Ricky could tell she was almost as nervous as him. He didn’t want to lie to her anymore or lead her on so he_ knew _that he had to tell her._

_“Okay, uh I- I hope this doesn’t ruin anything between us. I don’t want to lose you as my best friend, Nini, so just listen. I- I’ve been hiding a part of myself that I didn’t realize was there until- until you told me you loved me. I- I never realized.” Ricky began and closed his eyes for a second, preparing for what he was about to say. “Nini, I- I’m gay and I really hope nothing is ruined between us because you have been in my life since kindergarten. I do love you just-- just not in the way you love me. I’m so sorry for everything.”_

_“Oh.”_

Ricky remembered the look of shock that flashed through Nini’s face. The pain that was clearly evident in her eyes. He hated that he did that to her. 

He hurt her so much that he almost lost her. He almost lost his best friend because he hurt her so much. After he told Nini, she said that she supported him and would love him unconditionally but that she needed time. 

Nini told him she needed time away from him to process everything and try to get over him. He respected that and they didn’t talk for almost two months. 

They did occasionally pass each other in the hall and exchange small smiles. 

“Ricky,” Nini elbowed his arm, snapping him out of his trance. 

“What?” 

“The doctors are coming.” Ricky immediately shot up from his seat, going to stand with the others. 

“EJ is okay and should wake up in a couple of hours. We will have neurological exams every hour until he wakes up because we don’t know if there’s any damage done from being unconscious for the last two weeks. He’s not out of the woods yet but otherwise everything looks good.” 

Upon hearing the news, Ricky turns to Nini throwing his arms around her in a tight hug. The girl returned the hug with the same amount of pressure. 

The teens wore a smile on their faces, hugging each other, while the doctors led Ashlyn, and EJ’s parents to his room. 

“He’s okay.” Ricky breathed and Nini placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it softly. Suddenly, Ricky felt light headed and stumbled back. Gina, Nini, and Red all held onto him. They looked at him full of concern. 

“Ricky! Ricky!” Was all Ricky heard before darkness consumed him. 

——

EJ heard voices around him and he slowly opened his eyes, blinking quickly to adjust to the light. He turned his head, slightly, letting out a groan in pain. 

His throat burned and his mouth felt too dry for him to even still be alive. It took a few more seconds for him to register where he was but when he did, he looked around the room for a familiar face. 

“Wh-where’s Ricky?” He choked out, his voice horse from the dryness of his throat. He saw the look on his mother's face at the mention of the curly haired boy. 

“He’s not here, EJ.” His dad answered him, helping him drink the water that was placed on the table next to him. 

“Speaking of Ricky, EJ. You father and I need to talk to you.” His mom began, walking to his bedside. She placed a hand on her sons arm but he shrugged her off.

He already knew what was about to happen and he hated it. 

“No, don’t- don’t say it.” He whispered. 

“Your mom and I don’t want you around him anymore. We feel as if he’s a bad influence. I mean- you ditched school because of him and got hit, EJ. He put you here.” His dad spoke. 

“No, that’s not- that’s not what happened.” EJ tried to say but his parents wouldn’t listen. 

“We do not want you around him. If we ever do find out that you disobeyed us there will be severe consequences.” His mom finished. EJ had tears brimming in his eyes as she stared blankly at him. 

“Y-you can’t just- you _can’t_ do this! I’m- I’m the one in the hospital bed and I _need_ my best friend.” EJ felt the tears slide down his face. 

“He’s not much of a best friend since he’s not here.” His mother hissed. 

“I- Ash, where is he?” EJ turned to face his cousin, who just shrugged. “Ash, _please_.” 

“H-he’s not here, EJ.” The girl told him. 

“You’re lying. Why are _you_ the one lying to me?” EJ asked, his voice sounding broken. He noticed the girls eye flicker over to his parents. 

He turned his head to stare at his parents, who were now whispering to each other. He looks back at Ashlyn giving her a pleading look. 

Ashlyn took out her phone, typing something before turning her phone around to show him what she had typed,

_He fainted in the waiting room so he’s with a doctor right now._

EJ let his head fall back onto the pillow, closing his eyes. A felt at peace for a moment before his dad spoke,

“Your mom and I need to get going so we’ll see you tomorrow.” He watched as his parents left the room before turning to look at his cousin, who was staring at her phone. 

“Ash,” EJ muttered, getting her attention. She looked at him with a small smile on her face before speaking,

“I will go downstairs and let Ricky know you’re okay.” 

“Can- can you bring him here, p-please?” EJ asked softly. 

“I can’t, EJ. He’s on bed rest.” Ashlyn told him with a small smile. “Oh, uh before I go. Here’s your phone.” Ashlyn handed the boy with ocean blue eyes his phone before walking out. 

As soon as she was gone, he let the tears out. He couldn’t believe his parents.

They would use any excuse they have to get Ricky away from him. He hated them for it. 

Although he knew that it was mostly his mom. His dad just made all his friends uncomfortable, more specifically Nini so EJ had told Nini to not go to their house anymore. 

His mom had banned Ricky from the house a few years ago, eighth grade year to be exact, after he came out. EJ knew they didn’t like it but he never thought they’d ban him from seeing his best friend. 

——

A week after EJ was released from the hospital, he was cleared to go to school. He was nervous, scratch that, he was a nervous wreck. He had no idea what would happen when he walked through those doors. 

He hoped he would see Ricky but he knew it was impossible. Ricky wouldn’t even answer his text messages or calls. 

He knew that Nini would be there to greet him, they had talked the night before. 

“He might be there, you know, EJ.” Ashlyn spoke as she pulled into a spot in the school’s parking lot. 

“He won’t be there, Ash. He just won’t.” EJ sighed, reaching into the back to grab his bag. He bit his lip, opening the car door, touching the ground of East High for the first time in almost two months.

He held his bag by the strap as it rested on his shoulder. He looked up at the school, seeing people talk with their friends walking in through the doors. 

“Come on. Nini and Red are waiting.” Ashlyn walked past her cousin, making her way into the school with EJ following behind her. 

He felt his palms get clammy as he got closer to the doors and wiped them on his jeans. As soon as he walked in, he instantly saw Ricky standing in front of Nini, Red, and Gina. 

He seemed to be having a heated conversation with them since his hand was clenched and turning white. 

Not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on between the four, he made his way past them. 

“It hurts to love EJ-“ Is all EJ heard as he walked past. He hung his low fighting back the tears that wanted to escape. He wasn’t going to cry because he knew this was coming. 

He didn’t expect anything from Ricky after what happened. He didn’t expect his forgiveness because EJ knew that he fucked up. 

“Where are you going?” Ashlyn asks, running up behind her cousin. 

“I am going to class, Ash. I need to get some make-up work for my classes.” 

“No, you aren’t. All your teachers said it was necessary since you were in an accident. You’ve been here not even two minutes, what’s happening?” 

“Apparently loving me hurts, Ash. Just leave me alone, please. I’ll see you later.” EJ pushed past his cousin heading towards the bomb shelter, where they rehearsed for the High School Musical the musical play during freshman year. 

EJ didn’t admit it then but Ricky was the _perfect_ Troy. 

He hated the fights they got into because EJ was jealous he didn’t get the lead and Ricky did. He wasted half a year fighting with his best friend over something so stupid, like a lead in a musical. 

He should’ve been happy for him but instead he got jealous and fought with Ricky for half a year. 

EJ took a seat on the piano bench, looking around the room. There was still an hour before the first bell rang so he could just sit there, away from everyone. 

At least that’s what he thought before his ocean blue eyes locked with a familiar pair of chocolate brown eyes. 

“Oh, I- I didn’t think anyone-“ 

“It’s cool, I was about to leave.” EJ lied, reaching for his bag. 

“No, no, you stay. I- I can go.” 

EJ felt a sudden wave of rage take over his body and he stood up from the piano bench, grabbing the boys wrist before he could leave. 

“No, you aren’t going anywhere. We obviously need to talk.” EJ told him. 

“What’s there to talk about, EJ?” 

“I don’t know, how about the fact that you didn’t come see me _once_ after I woke up in the hospital? Or the fact that you haven’t spoken to me since? And oh! How about the fact that apparently loving me hurts?” EJ heard his voice break saying the last one. 

“You- you heard that?” 

“Yeah, I did and hearing _you_ say that- it hurt, Ricky.” 

“It’s the truth though, EJ. I don’t- I have spent the last _two_ years thinking that it was one sided and it hurt. It hurt to see you with other people. When you told me you loved me, I was so happy that night, the whole weekend and suddenly- _suddenly_ you were making out with someone in the halls so yeah. It _hurts_ loving you.” Ricky explained to the taller boy, not breaking eye contact with him. 

“Loving _you_ hurts! All you’ve done is ignore me and not- not want to fix us!” 

“Because you did a fucked up thing, EJ! How- I don’t know if I can trust you again!” 

Both boys were at a safe distance now so they weren’t screaming in each other’s faces. 

“I- Ricky, you know me! Do you _honestly_ believe I would do something like that on purpose?” EJ asks, his eyes glazed over. 

He kept repeating to himself not to cry. He wasn’t going to break. Not now. Not in front of Ricky. 

EJ let out an unamused chuckle seeing the way Ricky stared at him.

“You’re kidding me. Ricky, you’ve known me since first grade. H-how does this _one_ thing just take away all that _trust_ and- and friendship? I’ve done _worse_ things.” EJ looks at the boy with curly hair with such hurt written across his face. 

Ricky couldn’t stand to see the pain in his eyes so he looked down as he bit his lip, fidgeting with his fingers. 

“Look at me, Ricky. Please.” He heard EJ plead. He slowly lifts his head, looking at the boy in front of him. 

——

Ricky had shown up to an hour earlier to school because Nini had told him that she needed to speak with him. As soon as he entered the school, he saw Nini, Gina, and Big Red standing in a small circle talking to each other. 

There were a few other people here already, he noticed. He never came this early and he was shocked at how many people did. He walked over to his group of friends, who stopped talking upon his arrival. 

“So, tell me why I’m here an _hour_ early.” Ricky sends a smile to Gina and Big Red, looking over at Nini. 

“We are waiting for EJ. It’s his first day back since the accident, I thought you’d wanna be here for that.” 

“Are you serious? Nini, I can’t see him. I _don’t want_ to see him.” 

“Ricky, he’s still our best friend. Don’t let one mistake ruin everything you two have been through especially after freshman year.” 

“That fight was _his_ fault. Everything bad that has ever happened, is all because of him. Our relationship has _always_ been some kind of toxic that I couldn’t see until I spent time away from him. I love him, yes, but it hurts, Nini.” Ricky paused, licking his chapped lips. 

He looked around for a second after seeing the door open but he didn’t see who came through because he turned back to the others. 

“You guys, it hurts to love EJ. It hurts so much. Look I- I don’t want to talk about this right now. I gotta go.” Ricky pushed past his friends heading down the bomb shelter. 

He hated but loved going down to the bomb shelter. He loved it because it’s where he discovered his love for theater. He hated it because it’s where he spent half a year fighting with EJ. 

EJ was upset that Ricky had gotten the lead and everything went downhill. It took a while to get back on track with one another but eventually they did. 

He wished he had been able to smooth things out quicker with EJ after that so they didn’t have to waste half a year, just fighting each other.

They said so many things they didn’t mean. 

So many things both of them wished they could take back. 

Ricky entered the bomb shelter only to meet ocean blue eyes. 

“Oh, I- I didn’t think anyone-“ Ricky started but was cut off.

“It’s cool, I was about to leave.” He watched as the boy reached for his bag, getting ready to go. 

“No, no, you stay. I- I can go.” Ricky insisted going to turn around when he felt a hand on his wrist, pulling him back. 

“No, you aren’t going anywhere. We obviously need to talk.” EJ told him. 

“What’s there to talk about, EJ?” 

“I don’t know, how about the fact that you didn’t come see me _once_ after I woke up in the hospital? Or the fact that you haven’t spoken to me since? And oh! How about the fact that apparently loving me hurts?” 

Ricky winced at the break in the taller boys voice. He hated that he was the cause of it. 

“You- you heard that?” He asked softly, regretting he even said it but it was the truth. 

“Yeah, I did and hearing _you_ say that- it hurt, Ricky.” 

“It’s the truth though, EJ. I don’t- I have spent the last _two_ years thinking that it was one sided and it hurt. It hurt to see you with other people. When you told me you loved me, I was so happy that night, the whole weekend and suddenly- _suddenly_ you were making out with someone in the halls so yeah. It _hurts_ loving you.” Ricky explained to the taller boy, not breaking eye contact with him. 

“Loving _you_ hurts! All you’ve done is ignore me and not- not want to fix us!” 

“Because you did a fucked up thing, EJ! How- I don’t know if I can trust you again!” 

Both boys were at a safe distance now so they weren’t screaming in each other’s faces. 

“I- Ricky, you know me! Do you _honestly_ believe I would do something like that on purpose?” EJ asks, his eyes glazed over. 

Ricky stared at EJ, not saying anything. He saw the pain in his eyes and he didn’t want to make it worse. Though not saying anything _did_ make it worse. 

He heard EJ let out an unamused laugh before saying,

“You’re kidding me. Ricky, you’ve known me since first grade. H-how does this _one_ thing just take away all that _trust_ and- and friendship? I’ve done _worse_ things.” 

Ricky couldn’t stand to see the pain in his eyes so he looked down as he bit his lip, fidgeting with his fingers. 

“Look at me, Ricky. Please.” He heard EJ plead. He slowly lifts his head, looking at the boy in front of him. He made eye contact and felt tears threatening their way through but he wouldn’t let them. 

He did love EJ. He loved him so much that he couldn’t handle it. He loved him so much that it kills him a little on the inside. 

He just _knew_ that he couldn’t be with him for his own sake. 

“Was our friendship worth nothing to you?” EJ asks softly as a single tear escaped his eyes looking at the boy with curly here. 

“It was _everything_ to me, EJ. I just _can’t_ do this anymore-“ 

“Do what, Ricky?” 

“This! Us! I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do all the back and forths between us anymore. It’s- it sucks. It hurts. You couldn’t even handle when I beat you out for a lead in a high school play! You- you chose to fight with me on _everything_ for half a year. EJ, we go back and forth all the time and I’m- I am sick and tired of it. I love you, I do and you’ve been my best friend for so long but I- I _can’t_ anymore, EJ.” Ricky explained, his voice breaking. “I can’t be your friend anymore.” He whispered.

EJ felt his heart drop as soon as those words left the boys mouth. Suddenly the tears that he’s been holding back had finally broken through as they slid down his face. 

“Ricky, I- I can be better. I- please. Don’t- don’t,” 

“We’ve been doomed since the beginning.”

“Please, Ricky.”

“I- I’m sorry. I- uh I gotta go make a phone call but uh… I will see you around I guess.” 

Ricky sent the taller boy a small smile before he turned around, letting tears fall down his face. He wanted to go back in there and take it back but he couldn’t. 

There was no way he could take it back. 

He walked down the hall, searching for Gina. He didn’t want to go to Nini about this because she would be so angry at him. 

“Gina!” He called out seeing the familiar face. The girl turned to look at Ricky, freezing in her spot after seeing how he looked. 

“Oh my god, Ricky. What happened?” Gina asks. 

“I- I ended it with EJ. I- I- fuck I ended eleven years of friendship w-without thinking it all- all the way through. Gina, I- fuck.” 

“What? Ricky, oh my god.” Gina pulled Ricky into a hug and he sobbed on her shoulder. 

“He- he’s my best friend.” 

“I know, I know.” Gina whispers, rubbing Ricky’s back. She opens her eyes, looking down the hall seeing EJ staring at them. She sends him a close mouthed smile. 

“Hey- oh, what happened?” 

Ricky lifted his head off of Gina’s shoulder upon hearing Big Red’s voice. 

“Dude, are you okay?” 

“I- I-“ 

“He ended his friendship with EJ.” Gina answered, placing a hand on Ricky’s shoulder. 

“Oh.” 

“I- uh I gotta go call my mom back but uh, don’t tell Nini about this. I should probably do it.” Ricky whispers looking at his two friends. 

They both nod and Ricky looks down the hall for a second, seeing EJ quickly look away from him. 

Ricky closed his eyes for a second, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, before walking in the opposite direction.

——

EJ walked towards his first period after seeing Ricky had walked down the hall in the opposite direction. He had hoped Ricky would come back. 

He needed him in his life. He couldn’t stand the idea of losing him. 

As he made his way down the hall, he didn’t look up from the ground until he bumped into someone. He mumbled an apology before trying to walk away only to be stopped,

“Whoa, hey, EJ. What’s wrong?” A familiar voice asked. 

It was Nini. 

_Shit._

EJ stared at her blanky not knowing how to answer. She stared him down and he knew he was gonna give in. He told Nini almost everything. 

“Ricky uh, he just broke off everything between us. It- it’s all over, Nini.” He told her. 

“He did what? Tell me you’re joking!” 

“I wish I was but I- I’m not. Look, uh Nini, I- I just want to be alone right now.” 

“I am going to kill him.” Nini spoke, ignoring what EJ had said. 

“Nini-“ 

“No! This is- you two have been best friends for eleven years. How- oh my god! I- EJ, I will talk to him.” 

“Nini, don’t. Please just don’t get involved in this.” EJ pleaded. 

“How could I not? He just did something so incredibly _stupid_!” 

“He has every reason to do what he did! I’m- I’m not good enough for him and I never- I never was in the first place.” EJ whispered.

“No, no, do not say that. You- you are good for him. You two have been through so much and you- you _will_ get through this. Maybe just give it time?” 

“Yeah, listen- I gotta go but I’ll see you around.” 

“Hey, I’m still your friend, okay? I’m here for you, EJ.” 

“Thanks, Nini.” He smiled at the girl before walking away as the bell rang. 

——

A couple months had passed and everything was back to normal. Well as normal as they could be for Ricky and EJ. 

Ricky seemed to avoid the taller boy at all costs. He ignored his messages, his calls, he ignored him in the halls, in class. EJ knew why but he didn’t care enough. 

He wanted his best friend back. He hated the last couple months without Ricky. He absolutely hated it. 

He lost his best friend and he wasn’t okay. He couldn’t cope with it. It killed him inside not having his best friend by his side. He didn’t care if they were together or not, he just wanted- needed his best friend. 

He needed Ricky. 

He needed him in life. The idea of losing the most important person to him hurt like hell. 

“Nini!” EJ called out, running down the hall for the girl with brown hair. 

“What?” She snapped, turning to look at the taller boy with tears in her eyes. “I- I’m sorry, EJ.” She whispered. 

“Are you okay?” EJ asks the girl. 

“Yeah, uh what it is you need?” Nini ignores the question. 

“I was gonna ask for your help with Ricky but clearly something is wrong so tell me.” EJ pulls her off to the side. 

“I- just- just talk to Ricky.” Nini says, her voice breaking and he noticed her eyes glazed over once again. 

“Nini, what’s going on?” 

“Ricky won’t talk to me. He stopped talking to a-any of us the last- last few weeks and today- _today_ he tells us- I- I can’t tell you. He needs to tell you. Talk to him, _please_ , EJ. _Try_ to talk him out of it.” Nini pleads, tears now streaming down her face. 

“Out of what, Nini?” 

“Just- _please_ go to him and promise me you’ll try to talk him out of it.” Nini wiped away the tears as she spoke. 

“I promise. Where is he?” 

“In the bomb shelter.” EJ gives Nini a quick hug, placing a kiss on the top of her head, before walking away. 

As EJ reaches the bomb shelter, he hears a few keys of the piano being played. 

_Time is fleeting_

_I’ll be leaving_

_So make it count_

He heard Ricky sing. He walked in the doorway, seeing Ricky sitting on the piano bench, his eyes closed as he sings softly. 

_I’ve been thinking_

_I’m still afraid of sinking_

_Scared I won’t get out_

EJ was reminded of when he walked into the theater, the day he got hit. He darted out his tongue over his dry lips as he watched Ricky. 

_So kiss me while you can_

_Before it gets too late_

_Don’t let go of my hand_

_Ignore the expiration date_

EJ suddenly felt like Ricky was saying goodbye. He felt like the song was for him and he was scared. He was scared of what is happening to his friendship. 

_Time is running out_

_Make the love songs last_

_When it all comes crashing down_

EJ walked father into the room, standing in front of the piano now. 

_I wish it hadn’t gone so fast_

_Take me by the hand_

_Kiss me while you can_

_Take me by the hand_

_And kiss me while you can_

Ricky finished and EJ took his chance to clear his throat. Ricky’s eyes snapped open and his chocolate brown eyes met EJ’s ocean blue ones. 

“What are you-“ 

“Why- why did that sound like a goodbye?” EJ asks, cutting the boy off. 

“I- That's because it is.” Ricky says softly, looking down. EJ froze in his spot after hearing the words. “I- I’m leaving to live with my mom in chicago tonight.” Ricky adds after moments of silence. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, there- there’s just too much going on.” 

“So you just leave? Ricky, you- you can’t.” EJ says, his voice soft. 

“I can and I will, EJ. Please, understand that I need this.” 

“Ricky, are you really going to tell me that this- moving to chicago is best for you?” EJ asks. 

“Yes, because it is. Why can’t you and Nini understand that?” 

“Because we’re supposed to be your _best friends_. You’re being hash about this!” EJ starts to raise his voice. 

“EJ, please. I need _you_ to understand this. I _can’t_ be here and you know why. I need to go. I need to be able- to be able to move on!” 

“What if I don’t want you to? I’m sorry if that sounds selfish but I don’t want you to move on! I’ve loved you since I was _fourteen_ and I- I don’t want to let that go. I-If you leave I will and I don’t want too.” 

Ricky had stood up from the piano bench and was now standing a few feet away from EJ. 

“EJ, I have loved you since I was fifteen and I don’t want to let that go either but I- I _can’t_ be here. Please, let me _go_.” 

“I can’t, Ricky, I _can’t_ do that. You ended eleven years of friendship and have ignored me for _months_ and- and suddenly you’re _leaving_? Were you even going to tell me or just leave without saying goodbye?” Ricky stares at EJ and the taller boy immediately knew that answer. EJ’s face fell at the realization. 

“I-“ 

“You were going to leave and not say goodbye?” EJ asks as his voice breaks. “I thought I was your best friend. Did that title suddenly go away because I told you I loved you and then things got complicated?” 

“No, that’s not- you’re still my best friend. You will _always_ be my best friend, EJ. I- I just didn’t know how to say goodbye to you.” Ricky steps closer to EJ, his voice softer. 

EJ’s eyes were glazed over with tears that were threatening their way out but he wouldn’t let them. He blinked quickly to get rid of them. 

“I- how does that make this better, Ricky?” EJ asks.

“It doesn’t make it better, EJ. Just take me by the hand and kiss me while you can.” Ricky whispers. 

Upon hearing those words leave Ricky’s mouth, EJ instantly pulls Ricky in and placed his lips on the smaller boys lips. 

He brought a hand up to Ricky’s face, slide his fingers past his jaw to the back of his neck. His fingers running through Ricky’s curly hair. EJ heard Ricky let out a sigh of content and pulled him closer. 

Both boys ignored the sound of the bell ringing signaling the end of the day as their lips entangled together. Ricky had both of his hands on EJ’s face, not wanting this feeling to end. 

He felt deprived of the feeling of EJ’s lips on his own for too long. 

Both boys eventually pulled away to catch their breath. Ricky reconnected their lips wanting to remember this feeling. He want time to stop so he could enjoy this longer. 

Ricky could feel how much EJ loved him with the way he held him so carefully. The kiss held so many unsaid things between the two of them. 

Words that they never had the chance to say to each other. Words that they wanted to remain unsaid. 

They slowly pulled away once again and Ricky looked into the ocean blue eyes. He wanted to stay like this forever but he knew that he couldn’t. 

He needed to go. He _had_ to go. 

“I need to go, EJ.” Ricky whispers. 

“Ricky, _please_. I- I don’t want to lose you.” EJ tries one last time. 

“I know, I don’t want it either but I _can’t_ , EJ.” Ricky tells him, his voice cracking in the process. “I can’t be here. It hurts too much.” 

EJ rests his forehead against the others and closes his eyes, nodding slowly. 

“Okay.” 

At this point, both boys had their eyes closed as tears streamed down their faces. 

Ricky backed up, out of EJ’s hold. He placed one last kiss on his lips before leaving. 

“I love you.” EJ whispered when he opened his eyes and turned around to see Ricky already gone. 

  
  


  
  
  
  



End file.
